so explain again why im purple
no
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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