Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
