The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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