So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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