So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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