I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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