A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
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