Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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