first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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