his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
