Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize