Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
