Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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