Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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