I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
