So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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