Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
