just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
