Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
