I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
