His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
