well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
