if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
