i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
