LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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