If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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