I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
