dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
