so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
