I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize