got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
