i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
