I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
