why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
