I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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