remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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