There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
