Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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