fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
