these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
