think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
