drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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