Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
