Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize