I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
