whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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