my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
