bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
