i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize