I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
