Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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