I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
