pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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