you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
