So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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