I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
