margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize