So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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