I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
