We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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