I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
