If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
