we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
