the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
