I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
