I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize