Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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