i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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