I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
