haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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