it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
