Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
