He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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