Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
