it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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