cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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