literally had 100 drinks last night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
