fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
