Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
