theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
