Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
