I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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