i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize