made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
