I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
