Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
