that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I checked into jail on foursquare
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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