you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
