She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
