It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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