My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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