Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
