he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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