You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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