your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
