I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
