I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
