Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is my gift to your gina
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
