areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
