WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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