dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Too much gin, very little bucket
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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