I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
