she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
